Barney – Hit ‘Em Up

Posted September 22, 2009 by trematron
Categories: internet, music, people

Barney and Friends

This is hands down one of the best juxtapositions of the incongruous of all time; one of the best juxtapositions of the incongruous of all time…

We start with 2Pac’s Hit ‘Em Up. Aimed primarily at The Notorious B.I.G., this 1996 B-Side is one of the greatest diss tracks ever made. The thing you have to love about Tupac is his (thug) passion. He doesn’t just perform, he bleeds onto the microphone and throws a piece of his soul right in your face. The song starts hard (“That’s why I fucked your bitch, you fat motherfucker!”) and doesn’t let up from there. You can hear the venom drip from his voice as he spews vitriol towards Biggie and Bad Boy (“as a staff, record label, and as a motherfuckin crew; and if you wanna be down with Bad Boy, then fuck you too!”)

This is contrasted on the other hand with video of Barney, the Purple Dinosaur.  Known for his painfully friendly theme song of “I love you. You love me. We’re a happy family,” he is the mascot of simple-minded, childish affection seemingly releasing a tirade of cold, conscious, grown-up hate. Throw in some dancing sidekicks and smiling, happy children and you have an explosively funny barrel of comedic dynamite.

“Fuck you and your motherfuckin mama!”

Dried Cherries

Posted June 14, 2009 by trematron
Categories: food

Do you ever wonder where artificial fruit flavours come from? Some (like the citrus ones) taste similar enough to actual fruit that they feel like they could be derived from it. Others, though, are such a stretch that I can’t help but imagine bespectacled scientists in white lab coats working in a chemistry lab filled with beakers and test tubes of bubbling green liquids, randomly passing off novel concoctions to be taste-tested by hapless graduate students. But I digress…

Don’t get me wrong. Some of my favourite flavours (like Blue [Raspberry]) are artificial, but it just seems a little weird. I felt the same way about the deliciousness of Red (Cherry), featured prominently in Jolly Ranchers, Popsicles, Lollipops, and Freezies, until I tasted dried cherries. There are such strong sweet and sour flavours in these dried fruits that they almost taste artificial themselves. Very similar to the candy flavour, popping one of these gives you a tiny explosion of tastiness in your mouth.

Trading Spouses / Wife Swap

Posted May 5, 2009 by trematron
Categories: people, television

These two shows are extremely similar in premise – two women from radically differing families switch places and live each other’s lives – though slightly different in execution. Wife Swap takes place over the course of two weeks with the new mom putting in place her own set of house rules for the second week. In the two-part Trading Spouses, each family gets $50,000 which the switched mom decides how to distribute.

If you’re anything like me, you were exposed to the workings of very few families other than your own. In these shows, you get a glimpse into the lives of a wide variety of different households, though usually lacking any reasonably normal ones… They always manage to get the most ludicrously radical and least open-minded people around. Lifestyles clash, participants butt heads, high drama and hilarity ensue.

These shows also feature sweet dramatic music to eerily foreshadow impending confrontation, set the tone when the sparks start to fly, highlight awkward moments, and put the icing on the reconciliation touching moment cake. The show isn’t scripted, but pro-quality video editing can turn even the most mundane exchanges into meaningful plot developments with subdued emotions raging below the surface.

One of the best things is the self esteem boost you’re bound to get. It lets you feel better about yourself because no matter how annoying and neurotic and unreasonable you are, there’s always someone out there who’s worse.

And how can you not love the show that brought you the infamous God Warrior??

Nickelback

Posted April 1, 2009 by trematron
Categories: music, people

NICKELBACK!!!

i love nickelback there the greatest.
Nickelback rox!!!!! ^^,
they are the best !

i love this song so much that i cry each time i hear it:)

i luv chad !

i love this song!!!!!!! hero is a good song too!!!!

nickelback’s mv is always meaningful..

Law For Kids

Posted February 26, 2009 by trematron
Categories: internet

420

There are not a lot of aspects about “America’s first stand alone web site dedicated to teaching children about the law” that make it great, but the features it has are pretty awesome indeed.

First off, the comic strips and animated shorts available in its Toons section depict in stark and simplistic fashion the dire consequences for even minor infractions.  Granted, the website is aimed at children, but there’s a comically patronising tone throughout, coupled with an almost Orwellian devotion to the moral supremacy of the law.

Secondly, the ideas of cause and effect portrayed are pretty warped, leading to a skewed representation of the consequences of action. Detention, fines, AND community service for smoking on school property? Perhaps it is within the letter, if not the spirit, of the law. However, $20,000 of permanent damage with eggs to a house and some cars is just ludicrous.

Finally, the best part of the site is the awful voice acting featured in the animated toons. It’s significantly worse than anything you can find in pornography. At times it literally sounds as if the producers just handed scripts to learning-impaired students with speech impediments.

“NOW HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET A DATE, IF I CAN’T DRIVE?”

Pony

Posted February 1, 2009 by trematron
Categories: music

This picture is wack.

This picture is wack.

The first single off of Ginuwine’s debut album The Bachelor is a great early showcase of Timbaland‘s talents as a producer. The background is little more than three simple synth notes over a slowed and stripped down electronic drum beat, but it works. Who knew so few notes could evoke such strong eroticism?

The vocals serve to heighten the sensual tension, with Ginuwine’s voice sounding almost painfully eager. Without crossing the line into blatantly explicit sexuality, he takes the pony-riding euphemism to delightful extremes:
“My saddle is waiting”, “Someone who knows how to ride”, “You’ll be on my jockey team”?
Classic!

Chevdo

Posted January 15, 2009 by trematron
Categories: food

crunchewy

I don’t know the origins of this dish and can’t find it anywhere on the internet. I could make up some story about a wealthy landowner’s wife accidentally spilling some mixed grains into hot oil but it would be a damned lie and you’d know it. This snack can best be described as an Indian trail mix (or perhaps snack mix, youth mix, or party mix – I’m not sure of the fine subtleties here).

It’s prepared as a delicious mixture of puffed rice, crispy fried lentils and mung beans, potato chip pieces, and assorted nuts, then flavoured with curry spices and chilies. Raisins and sugar can be added to create the ultimate taste and texture combination featuring salty, spicy, sweet, and sour flavours on nutty, crunchy, and chewy pieces.

It’s like Bits & Bites (Méli-Mélo) but even more ethnic. How can you go wrong?